Will he ever trust me again?

I cheated on my husband with a co worker. And i lied about it, and lied about it and lied about it. Then when i finally came clean i know that made the situation terrible but i tried and then the guys kept contacting me because we work together. So me being afraid, I deleted the text messages and phone calls because even though the conversations were truly about work or i didn't answer at all, i was scared he'd freak out! So again i made the situation worse. What do i do? I'm scared but i want this to work? I know i love him but he thinks i can't stop. I just want him to believe in me and understand that I do want things to work out between us, that i do love him and i want our family to stay together. Please help. Anyone. Advice please. I'm falling apart because i don't know what to do. I am constantly being watched by my husband now, every phone call, e-mail, phone bill, he checks everything. I feel like i am under a microscope nightly and then he watches me in my sleep to make sure I"m not on the phone after he goes to bed. He checks my phone before i go to work and when i get home then asks for my online pword so he can check it against whats online to prove if I'm lying. Help